AMERICA’S KILLER DIET: I love this series on CNN by Dr. Sanjay Gupta. He explores the many facets of why American’s are so overweight. With it being the holidays and all, I feel like it’s an important reminder! One of my favorite segments is “The More You See, The More You Eat” by Professor Brian Wansink, who wrote one of my favorite food related books, “Mindless Eating.”
November 28, 2008
Musings About Loss Of Many Kinds
I’ve been pretty obsessed with one of my favorite band’s new songs, “Human” by The Killers. I think that it’s a perfect song for where I am right now in my life. If you get a chance, definitely listen to it. It puts me in a total trance of thinking about my past and thinking about my future. The song paints such beautiful imagery of “saying goodbye” and “open doors” and all of the joy and heartache of searching for answers. It asks, “Are we human? Or are we dancers” I think it’s such beautiful imagery to what it means to be alive. We are human. But we’re also these complex spiritual beings. And to live is to find the art of letting go, which you have to do when you dance. But there’s also a rhythm and regiment to dancing, which can equate itself to being human, too. Not rules. But Regiment and Rhythm. Different things. The balance of letting go and “dancing” through life is a beautiful image to me. And so this Thanksgiving, it’s hard to not listen to this song and think about how far I’ve come since this time last year!
It’s so incredible how long a year seems, and yet, how it all seems like yesterday. This time last year I had just (mostly walked) my very first 5K. It was raining. The weather was really crappy. But I went to the Gobble Jog with my sister and brother-in-law. It was a lot of fun, but I remember being nervous to do my very first “race.”
One year later - I’ve done my second 5K (in October), and am down nearly 75 pounds! I am counting the numbers to 80. My goal: to be down 80 pounds by my one-year lap band anniversary on January 15th. And one year later, my sister and brother-in-law have a baby! Gabriel. Of whom I am so in love with. I wish I saw them more, since they live out in LA.
My Thanksgiving this year was really low key. We didn’t have any family in town - my grandma had knee surgery, so my grandparents stayed in Florida. And my sister is visiting her husband’s family in Houston. I went home and we had a “fake” Thanksgiving dinner. Which was fine, because honestly, eating isn’t as much fun as it used to be, haha. I just can’t eat as much, and simply, some of the fun is taken out of the habit. HOWEVER, food also tastes better to me because I can’t eat a lot of it, so what I do eat, I pay more attention to. I LOVE our Thanksgiving dinners, and so this year, we’re going to have our traditional Thanksgiving dinner on Christmas day - because that is when my sister, brother-in-law, and new baby nephew will be in town.
Anyway, to be thankful is to look at what you have (a place to live, a job that I love (in this rough economy, too!), a great family, wonderful friends, poetry, fun socks on my feet), but it’s also about looking at how far you’ve come. I’ve come a long way since this time last year. I remember thinking about how it was the last Thanksgiving meal I’d eat before having a Lap Band. There’s definitely a “saying goodbye” process that happens. I was a little short of 2-months away from my surgery.
And I have a great job, which I didn’t have this job this time last year either. Still have an extraordinary family + friends, and even those have seen some changes. I don’t want to be afraid of loss. Seeing family get older. And family dynamics changing. And seeing myself change. And thinking about past people in my life and past versions of my self. And then there’s weight loss - my favorite type of loss!!! But even that loss is strange - There’s a part of me that has to say goodbye to my old self, and my old habits, even though I know I’m still 100% me - if that make sense. To lose anything is to gain something new. I am learning this. Slowly. Surely. I am grateful to be here…writing…this moment.
Yes, to be thankful is to see what you have. And to see how far you’ve come. And to let go. And so, ((Deep Breath)) I look forward to seeing where I am, this time - next year.
Happy Thanksgiving to all. And dance…
November 18, 2008
Full Of Friction
Went on a great jog today though Piedmont Park. The Fall air was so crisp that it almost felt like there could be a lightening storm. The kind of air that’s so full of friction. The leaves are now maroon and gold - and falling leaves - make me smile.
It was a great jog. I love the Fall. And I love the park. And I love the leaves.
And I love to love myself.
November 18, 2008
Baker’s Dozen Times A Dozen
I had never seen so many doughnuts. So many. Never. In my life.
It was employee doughnut day the other day, and the Woodruff Arts Center provided an amazing quantity of doughnuts to the employees. There must have been 13 - huge - boxes of doughnuts! Of every kind. Glazed. Regular. German. Chocolate. Sprinkled. You name it, they had it.
I wanted to mingle with the employees, so I quietly walked by the box (after) box (after) box of amazing-looking-sweet doughnuts - and drank my coffee - and mediated on being down 80 pounds come January 15th.
November 12, 2008
MEMO: I Am Not Bulimic
I am *definitely* feeling more restriction. Today at work, I had to eat a granola bar really super fast, and I had the worst restriction, and had to run to the bathroom and throw it up. I was kind of laughing because I was thinking that God forbid someone had walked into the bathroom, suspicions would fly, I’m sure, that I was bulimic! Kind of ironic! I am anything but! But sometimes, you just have to let out what the band won’t let in.
Things are going pretty swimmingly this week. Work has been great. I got to meet President Jimmy Carter today! That was really exciting. When I say, “meet” - I mean, I said “hello” … it’s not like he and I got into a long discussion about foreign policies. But I am sure if we had more time, President Carter would have enjoyed such a discussion with me. I also got to meet an Art writer from the New York Times. All extremely exciting for me. I have been busy-busy at work, but it’s great.
My workouts have been going well. I have upped the cardio. Not so much as in time, but as in how much I am pushing myself. Tonight I ran for 25 minutes total and walked for 5-minutes. I pushed up the speed to 4.5-5.0 and the incline. My heart was pounding! It felt great though. I haven’t weighed myself since Sunday, but on Sunday I had lost 1 pound.
Last night Terrence and I went out for dinner to Copeland’s Cheesecake Bistro. I swear I ordered the healthiest thing I could find on the menu. An Asian salad - seared Ahi Tuna with vegetables and ginger. It wasn’t half bad, except I should have gotten it with the dressing on the side. I did get some French Onion Soup (my favorite!) but asked for it with no bread. I guess since they took the bread out, they supplemented it with more cheese than I knew what to do with. I couldn’t eat that much cheese. Terrence was cracking up watching me swim through the cheese … and I LOVE cheese … but I kept picturing my heart saying, “What the hell?” So I guess I ate about half of it. And half of my salad and brought the rest home.
Tonight for dinner I heated up some Moroccan Trader Joe’s dinner - which was really awesome - and again, I ate about half. I guess that’s where I’m at now since my last fill.
November 8, 2008
Wanna GoBAMA Jogging?
If this man has the time to workout, then what’s my excuse? Haha.
Obama going on a Thursday morning workout. From New York Times
November 8, 2008
Alterations, Of Many Kinds
Things overall are going great. First of all, I can’t write this without saying, “YEAH!!! OBAMA!!!” Okay, had to get that out of my system. Now, in my life, the biggest challenge is finding a new balance. I love my new career and I feel like it’s a great step in the right direction. I just got back from the gym, it’s 11:30PM on a Friday night. I met up with my parents tonight, and came home and worked out. I didn’t do a hard workout tonight, but I figured it was better than nothing.
My time is completely filled up for the next 3 weeks. Everything from having to hook up a new printer to doing a photo shoot to getting my haircut to seeing friends, and of course, finding the time to workout. Working out still needs to be a priority though, and like I said, I’m finding a new balance in my life. It’s hard, but I know it’ll all be just fine. It’s hard while at work to not drink soda. I really have no reason not to drink it because of my band, I just gave it up because I realized there was nothing good about it. There are some days I just really miss a Dr. Pepper! Today for lunch I had Chinese food, and I felt sick all day. I pack my lunch each day, but I went out with Kate last night, drank too much red wine, and got home late - which caused me to forget to pack my lunch. I still feel like I have a food hangover.
Tomorrow I am FINALLY going to the alterations place to get a bunch of my pants taken in. I’m also bringing 3 button up shirts, my favorite hoodie, and a pea coat to all get taken in. It’s the first time I’ve committed myself to getting my clothes altered since my Lap Band. Maybe I just never thought the time would come, and when it came, I kept thinking that I should wait until I lost more weight. Plus I’ve been really good about not spending money. But now that I’m at the 70 pound mark, I *really need these pants taken in. I dress up for work each day, and I think everyone at work is tired of seeing my khaki’s 
I just need to commit myself and go. I am down 2-3 sizes since I got banded!
It’s fitting (pun highly intended) to reflect on all of the changes in my life. Getting clothes altered. Altering my life. Changes. A new President. A new career. A new healthy lifestyle. Finding a new balance. Getting clothes and a routine to fit me properly. It’s something quite unreal, actually.
October 31, 2008
Mum On A Milkshake
I went to Dr. Champion this morning to review my weight loss and see if I needed another fill. When I weighed in, I was down a total of 65 pounds in 9-months, according to his scale. I told him about my frustration with my weight loss since August. Since my last visit in July, I had only lost a total of 6 pounds. I am happy I lost, of course, but with the amount of hard exercising I was doing, I felt like surely I should be down more. His wife, who checked me in, told me that I should be “The Poster Child” for the Lap Band. That I am doing so well for a Lap Band patient, and I can’t expect to be where someone who had Gastric Bypass is at this point. And I was reminded by everyone in the office that plateau’s are normal. Their encouraging words made me feel better. Dr. Champion gave me another fill (1 cc of fluid) and we’ll see how that does. Of course, due to my new work schedule this week, I’ve had the hardest time getting up the energy to work out. I didn’t workout Monday night, Tuesday night or tonight. I did go to the gym last night though. I am trying to not be so hard on myself because I’ve been eating a lot less and have to give myself the time to adjust to this new amazing job. I know I’ll be right back in the swing of things again and everything will soon become second nature.
My goal: To lose 80 pounds by my 1-year Lap Band anniversary which is January 15th. That’s the day of my next visit with Dr. Champion. And I am going to lose at least 100 pounds by my 18 month mark, which will be my 28th B-Day on July 15th! Dr. Champion said this is very doable. And that man tells it like it is!
It is a pretty funny occurrence when people are talking about milkshakes. The taste. The size. How many calories they have. The flavors. And of course - how good they taste! I felt kind of silly just standing in silence - like I was from another planet where milkshakes don’t exist (Hey - if I was from that planet, I wouldn’t have needed a Lap Band to begin with!) I think that in my heart, I just like to be myself and be authentic with people, so maybe one of these days it’ll come up in conversation - I didn’t want to be like, “Oh, I don’t eat those. I gave all of that up to start a new, healthy journey in my life…but I used to be just like you and enjoyed a milkshake every now and again…What about a Kashi Go Lean Protein shake with a banana?”
WIth new folks I am meeting, I am just me - as I am in the present - no before picture. I am in such a great place in my life and am feeling so good, and feel like I am on my way toward reaching so many of my goals. In all ways possible, this is more freeing than any milkshake could ever be.
October 29, 2008
Second Day At New Job + Weekend (Food) Update
Disclaimer: I intend to protect the privacy and integrity of my company and those I work with. I will not use anybody’s name or go into detail about internal work-related topics, as to protect everybody’s privacy.
My last 2 days at work have been great! I started my new job as the Speakers Bureau Coordinator for the High Museum of Art. I am easing into this new position. I LOVE where I work and am so happy to be where I am, both literally and figuratively. I turned down two other job offers to take this job, it just feels so right to be here. It’s been a transition with my new schedule, for sure. I didn’t workout yesterday or today, however, I did take the stairs at work so I figured that counts for something! I am so busy that even these last 2 days I didn’t take a lunch break. Yesterday was my 1st day and I didn’t really know what to expect, so I brought along some granola bars. I was definitely way too hungry by the end of the day. Today I brought some low fat turkey and cheese and a few wheat crackers and some almonds. I only ate about half of that because I was just so busy. I need to be sure I’m getting enough of my calories in for the day. For dinner I had some leftover fish and broccoli from my dinner last night. One of my co-workers brought in cupcakes yesterday. And today I saw a bunch of cookies. These are the temptations at work where I say, “Sugar. You are the Devil.”
The good thing about starting a new job where I have to dress up every day is that I have been able to buy some new clothes for myself! I’m trying to not go overboard because A) I will continue to lose weight and B) I am so much better about spending money now. I feel like money and weight are related somehow.
I will be doing speaking engagements as part of my job, and so I feel like it’s perfect timing in my life because I am feeling so much better about myself. Some speaking engagements I’ll do alone and some I’ll accompany an employee of the High. For instance, on Sunday I am going with the Curator of the First Emperor Exhibit to a speaking engagement.
My weekend food recap: My family went out to Legal Seafood last night which is down by the Georgia Aquarium (irony!). Their food was SO GOOD. I think it was some of the best tuna I’ve ever had. I also got some low-fat version of Clam Chowder. I like the original better (this is more broth and less cream - and you know cream always tastes better!) but it was still really great tasting. I did have 2 bites of this chocolate cake my family ordered. I did so well this weekend and am really proud of myself. I went home for dinner Sunday night and we have company in town. For dessert, my mom bought stuff to make an ice cream sundae (my grandma’s favorite). I only took about 1-2 teaspoons of ice cream and put a little squirt of fudge on it and some walnuts and a cherry. It was like an ice cream sundae mini! I just needed that little taste and I was satisfied. Okay - - that’s totally a lie. I wanted a lot more ice cream but told myself I’d regret it later on.
On Saturday my family went to tea at the Ritz Carlton for my grandma’s 85th Birthday. You know how tea’s go - it’s all about little sandwiches and pastries. Well, I told the waitress I was staying away from carbs, so she let me order off the regular menu. I got some salad. It was good but there wasn’t any protein in it. Anyway, I feel like I did really well this past week considering all of the eating out I did. Plus, starting a brand new job is always stressful … and exciting! Okay, now that I am thinking about it, I need to go pack my lunch for tomorrow. My biggest challenge the last 2 days has been drinking enough water.
October 28, 2008
Some New Favorite Products
A big SHOUT OUT to Trader Joe’s - who always have the best (and organic) deals in town.
Here are a few of my new favorite products -
Balade Light Butter. 50 Calories per Tablespoon, as opposed to 100 Calories per Tablespoon in Smart Balance
OMG! I LOVE these! If you like the taste of ginger, you will love these
Luna Bars. Buy the bulk (15 per pack) - it's way cheaper than buying individuals. High in Protein. 25 Grams of Carbs. Less than 30 Grams is good. Less than 20 is even better, but I haven't found any that taste good to me.
Cheaper than the other Soy Milk I bought. Tastes good as is. Mix with your eggs and they get really fluffy!
